Tuesday, January 22, 2013

inappropriate test






Recently experienced the sickening moment when getting dressed for church; pulling on leggings to go under the killer-perfect jacket. Felt the sharp deflation as I spied those horrible words inside the waistband…‘Miley Cyrus’

My God…..are these ‘jeggings'?!

Time for a serious and fearless moral inventory.

Remember the last BLOG POST of my struggles with appropriate sartorial choices? Seems I haven’t learned my lesson.

Be kind, dear reader, as I demonstrate my past sins.
1976. Remember halter tops? This was a reversible number I purchased at TG &Y for about two bucks. When I tired of the blue side, I could reverse it to the red bandana-cloth side. Do I seem embarrassed that everyone behind me is dressed sort of normally and I stand out as a skank? naaaawwwww. This top was a fave of the Texan.
One word about articles of clothing monogrammed with your entire name. Don't.

Rocking the vertical stripes to  hide  Sprout #3.  I sorta look like a referee. Wait.....that IS a referee shirt!
Roller blades are not the best option for footwear when wearing a kelly-green dress.
Loving the Easter photo of the fam. Even loving the purple sheath with neutral flats. Not loving the pregnant-looking tummy. Must've been in days before Spanx. Painful.
Rodney and the Texan-looking sharp! Me....I think I fell off the pumpkin truck. This shirt is exactly what a migraine-aura looks like. A classic example of horizontal stripes being a fashion 'no'.
****breathing again**** I warned you my inventory would be fearless.

You know Jeff Foxworthy and his bit ‘You might be a redneck IF….?’ I've developed a clothing self-test just for you. It just might save you from the ‘Don’t section of Glamour magazine.

                            You might be dressing age-inappropriately  IF……..
1.  You own a pair of thigh-high leather boots.
2.  You apply leg-makeup to cover the varicose veins when wearing shorts.
3.  You don three layers of neck-to-knee spanx to snug into your favorite dress.
4.  You own a pair of coral-colored denim capri pants.
5.  You own anything Jimmy Choo.
6.  You think the latest OPI neon-green nail polish is ‘cool’.
7.  You wear leggings as pants. (you know who you are!)
8.  You wear any type of two-piece bathing suit.
9.  You own a pair of animal-print hose.
10.You have clothing with the labels Miley Cyrus, BCBG, Bisou-Bisou, Stella McCartney or Hello, Kitty.
11.You see a photo of yourself from behind. Your only thought is you wish you'd been wearing your ‘back-smoothing’ bra.


Only trying to save you from yourselves. Don't be like me. Do you have some other tips to add to my list? Tell me, I’m listening.

White-lipstick love to all.

1 comment:

T.J. said...

see now, my Mom is the opposite. Never plunging necklines or crazy colors since she;s had children, but she embraces unflattering jeans, "beige slacks", "Neutral sandals that go with anything", and cardigans that fall exactly to the waist of this high cut jeans. I've had the opposite kinds of talks with her ;). Also, what in the world are the people looking at in that first photo? Why not at you? And does that man have a helmet on?!